No Idea…

Sometimes I really don’t have a clue. This just happens to be one of those times. It’s not just with one thing, it typically seems to be 100 things at once. Which is probably really only a couple things that I turn into 100 things. That makes me shut down, makes my brain shut down, and if it isn’t something mundane and thoughtless, I put it off.

Not that I don’t continue to stress over it, cuz I do. However, the decision making process is nowhere to be found. Usually cuz there are no easy answers. A mom wants her kids to be safe, happy and taken care of. A wife wants her husband to be happy, content and taken care of. Sometimes those two thing can clash and it makes for a very stressed out and emotional wife and mama.

This process can become stagnant if I let it. I will sit and think about it for minutes and hours on end. It actually can cause physical turmoil in me if I let it. That’s when I have to shut it down. Don’t ask me a question about it cuz I won’t have an answer. Better yet, don’t ask me a question about anything unless it’s something simple, like the weather.

There are pros, cons and consequences to every decision. That goes without saying and it is just the way life is. Weighing those out sometimes is impossible. There is not always a good or simple solution.

So, I will ponder. Think. Try. Until something comes to me. Something that will possibly make things easy for everyone involved. Including me.

Quiet Mornings

There is something to be said for waking up before anyone else. Especially on a cool, quiet, Sunday morning. I usually gripe about waking up before my alarm goes off but at least I get to wake up rested, and this morning I get to enjoy my coffee in silence without alarms going off and rushing people out the door.

I have no real direction in where I’m going with this blog today. Sporadic thoughts and no real rhyme or reason. Very seldom do I actually sit and enjoy quiet time. I always feel that I should be doing something. I mean there really is about 1000 other things I could be doing right now instead of this. However, that will always be the case and I don’t think those things will ever really go away. So today, at this moment I choose to do nothing. Nothing except sit here on my back porch and enjoy it.

Life seems to have taken over and there are things that used to bring me a small sense of peace and joy that I rarely, if ever, do anymore. Most of the time I never realize that it’s happening until one day I do something and remember, “Oh yeah, this is something I enjoy, I should do it more often.”

Reading is one. There was a time when you would never catch me without my face in a book. I could read a book in a day or two. Now I can’t remember the last time I read one. Or which book I stopped on in some of my favorite series. I have no less time now than I did before but for some reason it just feels that way.

Writing was another one. If I didn’t have my face in a book, I had a pen in my hand. Writing about anything and everything. The seasons, the Moon, feelings, joy’s, triumphs, phases, etc. I still have most of my writings and will pull them out every once in a while. When I read them I’m like, “Wow, I wrote this? It’s actually really good. Who was this person?”

Nature. I used to spend so much time with it, in it, feeling it and becoming it. Trees, flowers, weeds, the Moon. There is something about working with your landscape, untouched, and becoming part of it rather than destroying it and making it something it’s not. There’s a flow to nature and everything in it and when you become in tune with that, the energies are far superior to anything you’ve ever imagined and there really is nothing like it.

I guess what all these thoughts are aiming towards is don’t forget who you are. So many things in life can take over and make you something you’re not without you even realizing it. Whether it’s a job, kids, a relationship, a move. Always try and keep some of what makes you happy a part of you. Grab a book, write something down, sit under your favorite tree…or do all 3 at the same time. Allow yourself to do what makes you feel good and something that makes you, you.

Positive Vibes Only

“She is at a place in her life where peace is her priority and negativity cannot exist, most of the time”

Sometimes this is easier said than done. I do strive to make a positive spin out of almost anything that can and will be thrown my way. However, when you have a million things coming at you and no answers or solutions, it can be trying. Also, downright frustrating as hell.

I also know that everything typically always works out alright. Maybe not always the way I think it will, but I generally come out on the otherside of whatever it may be in a good place.

That doesn’t always make the process easy or bearable. Sometimes we just have to live in the negative for a moment to be grateful for when it is over. Knowing that somehow, some way, things will turn out ok.

My brain goes a million miles a minute on any given day. Thinking, processing, wondering…it can at times be a complete jumbled up pile of crap. If someone asked me what I was thinking I wouldn’t have a clue as to where to begin. It could be a hundred different things at any moment having nothing and everything to do with one another.

I have gotten much better at dealing with this over the years. Used to, I would be a complete basketcase and be so deep in my own head I wouldn’t be able to find my way out. Sometimes not even be able to function. Thankfully that isn’t the case anymore. I have friends and family that have helped me tremendously overcome that side of myself.

I have been on mood stabilizers and antidepressants. For many people they work wonders. They didn’t work for me, weren’t my thing. I didn’t feel I should have to take a prescription to make myself able to deal with my life, to be happy and functioning. I have luckily found supplements that I have been taking over the past year. They have given me yet another level of functionality for which I am extremely thankful.

I know that things always turn out the way they are supposed to. No matter how unexpected that outcome may be. I have learned to live and work through whatever the process may be. I can deal with it no matter how difficult it may seem at the time. Things always turn out ok and sometimes far better that what was expected in the first place.