Quiet Mornings

There is something to be said for waking up before anyone else. Especially on a cool, quiet, Sunday morning. I usually gripe about waking up before my alarm goes off but at least I get to wake up rested, and this morning I get to enjoy my coffee in silence without alarms going off and rushing people out the door.

I have no real direction in where I’m going with this blog today. Sporadic thoughts and no real rhyme or reason. Very seldom do I actually sit and enjoy quiet time. I always feel that I should be doing something. I mean there really is about 1000 other things I could be doing right now instead of this. However, that will always be the case and I don’t think those things will ever really go away. So today, at this moment I choose to do nothing. Nothing except sit here on my back porch and enjoy it.

Life seems to have taken over and there are things that used to bring me a small sense of peace and joy that I rarely, if ever, do anymore. Most of the time I never realize that it’s happening until one day I do something and remember, “Oh yeah, this is something I enjoy, I should do it more often.”

Reading is one. There was a time when you would never catch me without my face in a book. I could read a book in a day or two. Now I can’t remember the last time I read one. Or which book I stopped on in some of my favorite series. I have no less time now than I did before but for some reason it just feels that way.

Writing was another one. If I didn’t have my face in a book, I had a pen in my hand. Writing about anything and everything. The seasons, the Moon, feelings, joy’s, triumphs, phases, etc. I still have most of my writings and will pull them out every once in a while. When I read them I’m like, “Wow, I wrote this? It’s actually really good. Who was this person?”

Nature. I used to spend so much time with it, in it, feeling it and becoming it. Trees, flowers, weeds, the Moon. There is something about working with your landscape, untouched, and becoming part of it rather than destroying it and making it something it’s not. There’s a flow to nature and everything in it and when you become in tune with that, the energies are far superior to anything you’ve ever imagined and there really is nothing like it.

I guess what all these thoughts are aiming towards is don’t forget who you are. So many things in life can take over and make you something you’re not without you even realizing it. Whether it’s a job, kids, a relationship, a move. Always try and keep some of what makes you happy a part of you. Grab a book, write something down, sit under your favorite tree…or do all 3 at the same time. Allow yourself to do what makes you feel good and something that makes you, you.

Positive Vibes Only

“She is at a place in her life where peace is her priority and negativity cannot exist, most of the time”

Sometimes this is easier said than done. I do strive to make a positive spin out of almost anything that can and will be thrown my way. However, when you have a million things coming at you and no answers or solutions, it can be trying. Also, downright frustrating as hell.

I also know that everything typically always works out alright. Maybe not always the way I think it will, but I generally come out on the otherside of whatever it may be in a good place.

That doesn’t always make the process easy or bearable. Sometimes we just have to live in the negative for a moment to be grateful for when it is over. Knowing that somehow, some way, things will turn out ok.

My brain goes a million miles a minute on any given day. Thinking, processing, wondering…it can at times be a complete jumbled up pile of crap. If someone asked me what I was thinking I wouldn’t have a clue as to where to begin. It could be a hundred different things at any moment having nothing and everything to do with one another.

I have gotten much better at dealing with this over the years. Used to, I would be a complete basketcase and be so deep in my own head I wouldn’t be able to find my way out. Sometimes not even be able to function. Thankfully that isn’t the case anymore. I have friends and family that have helped me tremendously overcome that side of myself.

I have been on mood stabilizers and antidepressants. For many people they work wonders. They didn’t work for me, weren’t my thing. I didn’t feel I should have to take a prescription to make myself able to deal with my life, to be happy and functioning. I have luckily found supplements that I have been taking over the past year. They have given me yet another level of functionality for which I am extremely thankful.

I know that things always turn out the way they are supposed to. No matter how unexpected that outcome may be. I have learned to live and work through whatever the process may be. I can deal with it no matter how difficult it may seem at the time. Things always turn out ok and sometimes far better that what was expected in the first place.

Magic Monday

It’s Monday!

For most this means back to work and routine. For me, it means that I got up and got the boy on the bus. Now I will sit here, on the back porch, and drink my coffee till the very last minute before I have to get ready for work. Of course, there are a thousand things I could be doing around the house instead.

I always use the word “routine” very loosely. Sometimes kids, family and work mean last minute. Now that we have a granddaughter pitter pattering around the house, it has become even more “live by the moment”. I’ve learned to go with the flow. If I tried to live a structured daily routine, I would probably lose my mind.

I have learned over the years to live each day as it’s own. It is very rare that everyday can be navigated in the same way. Things can change in a split second and you will have to adjust accordingly. So, I don’t fight it, I live it. Sometimes it’s easy and other times it’s a complete nightmare. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason and other times it flows just right. That is just life.

Enjoy it. Go with the flow. Be spontaneous. Do something out of the ordinary. Surprise someone. Make someone smile. Make yourself smile. Pick someone flowers. Pick yourself some flowers.

Life is simply a series of moments and once they’re gone, you can’t get them back. So why not make them count?

Hello weekend!

Hello weekend!

It isn’t often that I get one but I am thankful for it when I do. Now, what to do? What does everybody that has a normal job do on the weekends?

When you work retail for as long as I have you accept the fact that all your days just kinda blur together. Your weekend could be a Tuesday and Wednesday, or you may just have to work 10 days in a row before you get 1 day off. Usually, the days I do get off consist of catching up on things around the house that I otherwise leave to the wayside until they get so overwhelming I have no idea where to start. Not to mention having a day off during the week affords me the luxury of being here alone for at least part of the day, which for a mom is very nice.

Now, figuring out what to do when I actually get a real weekend off is sometimes difficult and responsibilities typically trump going out and doing something “enjoyable”. Do I stay home and do the 10 loads of clothes that are starring at me? Or do I put blinders on, put a bra on and actually get dressed and go out? It is usually the chores that win.

So, as I think about what I could be doing now instead of writing this, everyone is starting to emerge from their comfy beds. For whatever reason, I am the only one that can’t seem to sleep in around here. So let the day begin and see what unfolds. Wonder how long before everyone starts getting on my nerves and I wish I was at work instead.

Who Are YOU?

“Who are you?”

Seems like a simple enough question for most people. For me, however, not so much. If somebody were to ask me this, I would look at them with a blank stare like they were speaking a foreign language. Same goes for “What do you do for fun?”. Well, I’m a wife, mom and grandma and I work. That’s what I do.

Hmmm…so let’s say you could dissect yourself. You take out the wife, the mom, the grandma and the career. What’s left? What did you enjoy doing a year ago? 5 years ago? 20 years ago? What made your heart do flip flops? What did you get excited about and look forward to? What did you make time for simply because it made YOU happy?

Over the past year, this is what I have been trying to answer for myself. I made a pact with me to start taking time for me. I have been getting my health in check, cuz let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger. I have been trying to make it a point to do something that I want to do, even if that means telling someone else no.

It’s definitely not easy. You become so absorbed into the roles you play day in and day out, you become them. Then there’s the guilt factor, especially when it comes to your kids. That is the worst. It is the ultimate tug of war with your brain, heart and soul.

However, I have slowly stopped fighting with myself and come to terms with the fact that that I have to take care of me or I won’t be of any use to anyone, including my kids. It is actually good for them to see me doing things I enjoy. It is actually not the end of the world if you tell them no every once in a while and put yourself before them. They may disagree but eventually, they will get used to it. Maybe.

Then there’s the husband. That guy that helps me support the household, raise the kids, works hard day in and day out to keep a roof over our heads. Cooks dinner when I work late and does what he thinks is necessary to keep everyone moving in the right direction. How often do I leave him sit in the corner, in his recliner, without even a thank you. This is the person that I’m gonna be with long after the kids are gone, I kinda need to pay attention to him and keep him as my friend for the long haul. But this is leading into a totally new subject and maybe a future blog!

So anyway, I have discovered that, for me, it is important that I do my best to put myself first. My health, my passions, my hobbies, etc. It’s ok to tell the kids, or anyone else, no. They will survive, even though they won’t always act like it. It’s ok to take a day off work, trust me they will get by without you for a day or two, even though you would like to think they won’t. And, that husband I have sitting in the corner in his recliner…he deserves a moment of my time as well, even though he will never say so.

The beginning

So here I am, doing something I’ve always wanted to do. Start a blog. Sounds simple, but do I have any idea what I am doing?? Absolutely not, and that doesn’t just relate to blogging.

I have allowed myself to get away from some of the things I’ve loved and loved to do and today is the first step to getting back to some of those things that make me, well, me! I used to write all the time and I was actually good at it.

So…here’s to new starts, focusing on myself and the things I love…again.