“Who are you?”
Seems like a simple enough question for most people. For me, however, not so much. If somebody were to ask me this, I would look at them with a blank stare like they were speaking a foreign language. Same goes for “What do you do for fun?”. Well, I’m a wife, mom and grandma and I work. That’s what I do.
Hmmm…so let’s say you could dissect yourself. You take out the wife, the mom, the grandma and the career. What’s left? What did you enjoy doing a year ago? 5 years ago? 20 years ago? What made your heart do flip flops? What did you get excited about and look forward to? What did you make time for simply because it made YOU happy?
Over the past year, this is what I have been trying to answer for myself. I made a pact with me to start taking time for me. I have been getting my health in check, cuz let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger. I have been trying to make it a point to do something that I want to do, even if that means telling someone else no.
It’s definitely not easy. You become so absorbed into the roles you play day in and day out, you become them. Then there’s the guilt factor, especially when it comes to your kids. That is the worst. It is the ultimate tug of war with your brain, heart and soul.
However, I have slowly stopped fighting with myself and come to terms with the fact that that I have to take care of me or I won’t be of any use to anyone, including my kids. It is actually good for them to see me doing things I enjoy. It is actually not the end of the world if you tell them no every once in a while and put yourself before them. They may disagree but eventually, they will get used to it. Maybe.
Then there’s the husband. That guy that helps me support the household, raise the kids, works hard day in and day out to keep a roof over our heads. Cooks dinner when I work late and does what he thinks is necessary to keep everyone moving in the right direction. How often do I leave him sit in the corner, in his recliner, without even a thank you. This is the person that I’m gonna be with long after the kids are gone, I kinda need to pay attention to him and keep him as my friend for the long haul. But this is leading into a totally new subject and maybe a future blog!
So anyway, I have discovered that, for me, it is important that I do my best to put myself first. My health, my passions, my hobbies, etc. It’s ok to tell the kids, or anyone else, no. They will survive, even though they won’t always act like it. It’s ok to take a day off work, trust me they will get by without you for a day or two, even though you would like to think they won’t. And, that husband I have sitting in the corner in his recliner…he deserves a moment of my time as well, even though he will never say so.